May 11th

Things...have gotten harder.

I feel like all the blogs I read are so upbeat & exaggerated. 

Maybe that's what presses me to write exactly how I feel at the time regardless of how depressing I may sound.

I know that i've never been the best at talking about how I feel so writing, I'm told, is the next best thing.

I watched two seconds of a tv show I had never seen and don't know the name of.

Something someone said resonated with me.

Something along the lines of "women in there 20's have a million excuses of why they can't do it" which is why a lot of women don't figure things out until there 30's. So she said.

 I'm at a stand still in life & I don't know what's next.

I'm afraid to turn the page.

I say "I can't" to a lot of things.

I've done that so much in the past & am filled with regrets over it.

I have a lot of "I wish's"

I wish I would have accomplished more by now.

I wish I would have gone to more than a community college.

I wish my family never had or has to struggle with money.

I wish I could say that I've never felt like life was passing me by.

The truth of it is, Things don't change themselves. 

If I truly want to get over the hump I have to make it happen myself.

I can't keep waiting around & hoping that everything will magically fall into place.

I have to put it all there.

I have to stop saying I can't.

 I also want to say that I am so thankful for everything that I have.

My husband works his ass off for his family- sometimes from 4:30 in the morning until 7:00 at night- and STILL comes home and helps cook dinner, clean up, bathe & put Evan to bed, and so much more AND is even talking about getting a 2nd job to save more money for the new baby because of how much he knows I am struggling to find another child to watch. I appreciate him so much. He is the hardest worker I know.

He also fully supports me going back to school once the baby is born. That would put him watching both kids by himself as soon as he gets home at least 3 nights a week so that I could start January 2013. We've got a long road ahead of us. Things are far from perfect. One day we'll get there.

xx,

Gretchen

 

 

 

Monday blues

First day of the week = shit.

I had a dentist appointment at 8:am this morning resulting in another wisdom tooth extraction.

I am so puffy & numb & also starving.

Liquid diets are stupid.

& As much as i'd love to enjoy a starbucks coffee, I wouldn't be able to taste it for another 3-6 hours anyway.

Good news is I no longer am in any pain.

& if I am once this numbness rubs off, I have lots of baby safe pain pills.

(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

& in just a few days will be back to normal.

Rob is taking the day off to hang with me & help with the kiddos.

We're heading to the mall compliments of Shannon Davis

She provided free cheekini undies from VS plus $10.00 off bra's coupons.

So Rob is totally excited.

Hehe.

jk.

Okay, maybe a little.

I also have two FREE chickfila chicken sandwiches.

What are the odds that I would get two in one week?

Totally awesome.

& After just dropping $120.00 on my tooth I'll take all the free I can get.

My coupon binder has cob webs on it. 

I should probably get on that.

The problem is once I start it is nearly impossible for me to stop..& then I feel guilty for spending two hours on $7.00 worth of coupons. I need to schedule things better. Or just schedule things period. Other than doctor apps & things involving Evan I'm horrible at planning anything. 

More later
<3

  

Time flies

 This time Tuesday I will be 1/4 of the way through my pregnancy. 

 I'm so thankful for all the people who have taken part in celebrating our soon baby.

While there's plenty of people who still have no idea, I kind of like it that way.

It makes it more special for those of you who do.

Because there are very few surprises in life,

We have decided not to find out the sex.

We have also decided not to announce a name until we have seen our baby.

 I personally don't even want to pick up another baby names book for a very long time.

So I know I promised baby pics, however.. I can't seem to remember which book I put them in to straighten out. Soooo it's a good thing my OB has copies!

Next baby doctor appointment is coming up on the 22nd.

Did I mention I absolutely LOVE my new prenatal clinic?!

Because I totally do.

It's such a big step up from the shitty medicaid covered health clinic I went to with Evan.

I'm so lucky my husband is providing enough so I don't ever have to step foot in that shit-whole again.

Don't get me wrong, its costing us a pretty penny to be where we are. But worth every cent.

We haven't completely decided what we'll be doing once the baby arrives as far as housing goes.

Our lease is up Feb. 1 2013 So we will *hopefully* be in a house of some sort either here in NC or up in VA. 

I also won't be working for at least six weeks.

That part might be a little rough on the bank account.

I also won't be going back to childcare.

So who knows?

This baby has changed all of our plans.

It was hard to accept at first.

I'm nervous.

anxious.

excited.

overwhelmed.

cautious.

worried.

sick.

tired. 

There is a whirlwind of emotions going on with me.

Rob is so positive.

I wish I were more like him.

I keep going back & forth.

Some days are easier than others.

We need to get back on a budget.

I am kind of scared to death of depleting our savings account.

I need to find another part time child like, yesterday.

It's been just Evan and Carrigan for almost 2 months.

It's been nice.

Minus the pay-cut.

After getting our tax return I got waaaaaaaaay too comfortable with just the two kids.

& Ever since I started looking again I've been stood up twice.

F'n Rude.

It's Carrigan's 2nd Birthday.

Evan & I decorated the apartment & I spent the first hour of the day blowing up balloons.

She loved them.

We love her.

I've been writing this post on & off since about 8:00 this morning.

So it needs to end.

BABY PROOF

 

 

 

Around the house:

I don't have much to say. Just a few things I've captured over the last week.

We had a good time in Virginia.

The Avett brothers concert kicked ass.

& now these stupid allergies are kicking my ass.

I bought a pair of awesome jeans while I was in chesapeake. I also left them there.

Most things about pregnancy are horrible.

I'm only two months & I'm already over it.

With one thing or another I have been sick every single day for the last month or more.

I want to crawl into a whole & hibernate until December.

As much as I can't wait to meet this little person inside of me, I'm dreading the heated summer that lies ahead, The gazillion pounds I'll probably gain, & the sleep I'll never catch up on.

Surprisingly, I'm actually looking forward to the labor of it all.

I enjoyed watching Evan be born.

They set a mirror up for me and it made it so much easier to push.

I know it sounds crazy, But I'd rather go through labor 9 times then 9 months of all things pregnant & that is truth.

Lunch time.

Posting ultrasound pics next :)